Sad Heart

I come to you tonight with a sad heart. I need to be real for a second, I hope this does not offend anyone.

I found out by Brent tonight that some people at church have been gossiping behind our backs about something that happened a month ago between Brent and I. This saddens me very much to know that people at church that I thought could be trusted in and confide in has been talking behind my back. Wow, that is a dagger to my heart. I am literally in tears right now as I am writing this.

I have made HUGE strides in being open and honest with everyone around me especially at church but this really makes me doubt people's intentions and I will really think about what I say from here on out. I am just really hurt right now but I know and trust that God will heal this pain and that I will hopefully be able to trust again. I think I just won't be so free on airing my dirty laundry out there anymore though.

What happened between Brent and I really hurt me really bad. It was definitely a really BIG speedbump in our marriage and it almost costed us our marriage. Well, finding out that people are gossiping behind my back just brings it right back up. You see I have forgiven Brent for what had happened and we have moved forward and we are continuing on healing our marriage. He also repented to God and I know God has forgiven him. But when I hear all this it kinda brings up the hurt in me again. I mean seriously how much should he have to pay for this? He has definitely paid for this several times and he has learned his lesson.

So I just have one thing to say if you ever decide to gossip about someone please think twice about how hurt they would be if they knew that you were talking behind their backs. I know I will be keeping myself accountable in this and I will think twice before I do that because I know how much it hurts.

When Brent came to tell me all this tonight he thought I was seriously going to get really upset and get mad at him for all this trouble he had caused. But instead of getting mad at him, I chose to love him and I showed him mercy. I have already forgiven him and there is no need to be mad anymore because I have already forgiven him. I was just really hurt that other people would do this. This is a big win for me because normally I would be mad at him and probably would have started a fight between us. I know I am on the right path to healing and growing closer to God and I give God all the glory for this.

I will give this to God and start forgiving the ones who have hurt me even though I don't know who this was that did this. I am so in love with my hubby and I am so proud of the transformation that God is doing in him. It is so wonderful to be able to have a front row seat in watching him grow and become a healthy spiritual man of God. I give God all the glory in this and I will praise God when I am happy and when I am sad or hurt. God is bigger than anything I have ever imagined.

I also don't want you to get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE my church and I think the world of the people in it. I am not going to allow a couple people ruin my perspective on how I see my church. I LOVE the people in it and I have made some really close friends and I am SO thankful for them. They have truly gotten me through these last few months when I thought my marriage was going to be over very soon. I am thankful for them who stands up for me even when I am not around and I will be forever grateful and thankful for them. They are my true friends that only God could provide me with. I owe my church so much for allowing me to grow in God's word and truly know what God is really about. If we wouldn't have stepped into the doors of the church that very first Sunday I don't know where I would be today.

I feel so much better after getting this off my chest. Thanks for listening to me. Good Night!!!