Get Real Monday!!!

Over this last weekend God has shown me that I need to be a better wife and mother. I am going to just put myself out there on this one. This is one I would like to hide from everyone but I am really working on being transparent because I know there is a lot of power in it.

So I am not really the "normal" wife and mom because I do work the night shift. My husband is amazing and he pretty much cleans the whole house, does laundry, takes care of Tristen and cooks. He pretty much does everything. I know how good I have it but I take advantage of it. I fall back on my chores because I honestly don't like to clean but I know it has to be done. I also know he will eventually do it. I hate writing it but it is the truth. I am also not emotionally there for him. You see sometimes I am like a hollow shell because I am either too tired or drained from my thoughts or whatever else is going on. I really think most of it is because I work the night shift and I am so burnt out on it. I am looking for balance now but it will be easier to balance my life out and have routine for chores and stuff like that when I switch to the day shift.

I also feel like I am not always present in the moment when I play with Tristen. I am working on being able to play what he wants and just be in the moment. I always have something on my mind which hinders my playtime with him. I also wish I didn't get so frustrated with Tristen. I have been praying to God about this and it has gotten better but it is still a work in progress.

That is pretty much what I have on my mind at this moment. I just want to be able to be such an awesome mom and wife. Being a wife and mom is the highest calling God has given me so I have to really work on this. I feel sometimes that I focus more on the minstry of the outside and not always ministering and being there for the inside (my family).

I know with God's help that I will overcome this. I know that I won't be perfect but I just need to be better. So I guess this falls under the chain of selfishness?