TCAL Women's Retreat

So what an amazing weekend this has been!!! I have been truly blessed to be able to go to my church's women's retreat. I have never been to one of these retreats before but I always have wanted to go. It was such an emotional and spiritual weekend and I will never forget it. It allowed for me to bond with some women that I have really wanted to get to know better. God also shown me some things that I need to take action on. God has spoken to me in such a powerful way this weekend. I firmly believe when women of faith come together to connect instead of compete WE can be so POWERFUL!!!

The whole women's team did such a great job of planning this retreat. Tanna, Beth and Shannon did such a great job on speaking and they all touched my heart. They also opened my eyes to alot of things that I need to work on. I don't have my act together and I can use all the help I can get!!!! My eyes were opened to it is ok to face your chains because when you do then you can start to work on them. Last night I got down on my knees and cried to God and asked HIM to help me with all my chains that I have. I have realized that this is journey and not an overnight thing. Alot of the time I want so badly for it to be an overnight thing so I don't have to go through the pain anymore. But that is just not the case because when we are hurting we are more likely to look to God for help and HE can stretch us and grow us into the person HE wants me to be. This is such a hard lesson for me to learn. I realized that one of my chains is control. I have to learn to rest in God's hands and give it up to HIM and trust that HE is going to work it out. Now it probably won't be the way that I planned it to be but HIS way is the only WAY. I also have to realize that I am only human and I am not GOD. God did start teaching me last week that I have to give up my control. You see, Brent asked me if I would start working days instead of nights because working the night shift is starting to affect our family on so many different levels. I felt myself starting to hyperventilate and I was just freaking out because this had never really crossed my mind. You see, I have been trying to keep Tristen out of daycare as much as I can. He has only had to go to daycare for all of about 5 months of his whole life. The 5 months were spread out on 2 different occasions. I want to be the one in control on how Tristen's day should go and what he does. I don't want anyone else taking care of my child all day and me be absent. I guess I feel that if I am not with him then he will forget about me. Ok so I know this is just silly but I really feel this sometimes. I am having to work through the emotions of him starting full time daycare and I know he will have such a good time and learn so much. I know he will have a blast, I just need to come to terms with he is not my little tiny baby anymore. He is becoming a big boy and needs to have some time of separation from me. Well, working the day shift will actually give me more time with him because I would be home every single night and be completely free on weekends. I have fought this 9 to 5 grind for so long but now is my time to give this up. I will be able to have a regular routine and get the things done in a day that I need to get done. So I talked to my boss this last week and I will be starting sometime this summer. We are just waiting on finding and hiring someone to take my spot at night.

God showed me this weekend that I need to dive in HIS word every siingle day. This is one thing that I really struggle with. I feel that I need to have some plan on how to have my quiet time. So this morning I got up at 6:30 and opened my journal from the retreat. I looked over the passages that I had written down. I have a devotional bible so I read a couple of short devotionals. I then prayed and that was it. But just that short 30 minutes really made my day so much better. I have been able to deal with the stresses of kids fighting all day long and Tristen's tantrums and crying spells. I actually didn't get upset at all today. I will continue to do this.

HE also has laid on my heart that I need to start journaling my thoughts every day. So this one thing that I have fought tooth and nail because I have such a hard time coming to terms with my thoughts. I feel if I write them down on paper that they are real. Whereas, if they are in my head they must not be real and I never come to terms with it. So I am starting with journaling and I will let you know how that goes.

Ok well, this blog is long enough for now...I will be writing more on this later. I am just amazed of how amazing the women at TCAL are. We are all sisters in Christ and we are all there for each other. I love each of them so dearly and I am so excited to continue to meet and start up new friendships with these amazing women. I will also be blogging about my chains as I deal with them and work through them. If I can help just one person with their journey through all the pain and struggles that I have gone through and are going to go through then all the pain is worth it. I also have pictures to upload but I will that later. I am going to go get some rest and recover from this blessed weekend.